First of all, I want to wish all of you a happy new year. Lets all make this a more positive and upbeat year!
Secondly, I wanted to get a little personal and talk about something thats been on my mind for a while. Warning, this is going to be long. You don't have to read it if you want, its more of a way for me to talk about something thats been bugging me, as well as update on a few things.
I wanted to do a journal for a while about how I've been doing artistically.
Its nothing bad, I'm not putting my current fanfic on hiatus or anything like that. (I have been working slowly on it, as well as another fanfic I promised to write to someone.)
I've been struggling with confidence issues, I've somehow gotten into the mindset of putting myself down, telling myself that I should be ashamed of what I do and how it will never be good enough, so I should just not even try.
And I hate feeling that way and I've been trying to figure out why I feel the way I feel. Because its starting to affect my writing and my drawing. I'm at least happy to say that I'm aware that there is a problem. The hard part is that I need to find the source of whats causing these feelings so I can deal with them accordingly.
That being said, the support I get from you guys is really a huge help to me. I can't tell you how happy I am every time I find that someone likes and/or comments on my writing or drawings or even my pictures. Its such a confidence booster and it makes me glad that so many awesome people like what I do.
But I'm not asking you all for praise, I don't want false positive feedback if I don't deserve it. Thats not the type of person I am. I just feel like if I get these thoughts out, it will help me a little bit. And to be honest, sharing this does make me feel a little better.
And now on to more positive news. I still am drawing a lot more (despite having never shown my new work until these contests happened) and I am getting pretty good at coloring my drawings. I still need to work with lighting and backgrounds as they are my weaknesses, but I've been slowly getting better as an artist.
Besides, the problem with my lack of input is that I move on to other drawings from what I was originally working on and then I improve a lot and when I go back and look at my old work, I'm not interested in continuing it because I've grown from it and don't want to redraw it. Its also the cause of my delay in uploading a new ID. I'm not interested in the ones I've been drawing and want something else to show who I really am. I am so tired of looking at the one I do have. The girl sitting on the camera is not me anymore, even though I drew that one or two years ago.
Speaking of cameras, I won't be taking photographs as often as I used to. I took pictures because I thought I wasn't good at drawing, and now that I've proven to myself that I can draw, I don't need it as an outlet anymore. When I do take pictures, its because I've found something that I really appreciate the beauty of and want to share with the world, but they aren't going to be as frequent anymore as they used to be.
So I will try to upload a lot more artwork this year. I know I can fight all the doubts and self confidence is to put myself out there more with better art, and thats what I'm going to do.
(Also, expect to see my old artwork get updated or deleted throughout the year)
In short, thanks for supporting me! I am so thankful to all of you.